I For One Welcome…

… our new 3d printed machine masters

by on May.28, 2015, under Robots

3d_printerIf you’re not familiar with the ‘Grey Goo’ scenario for armageddon, do yourself a favour and don’t google it, instead take the time to visit your family and let them know how much you love them and prepare for the end.

Here’s a vid from Sploid that shows a 3d printer printing parts to make a 3d printer.  It doesn’t take much to see where this leads…..  One stray line of code, a glitch in the machine, or minor intervention is all it’ll take to help the machines that all they have to do is start printing weapons and they’ll rule the world. What will they need us for?

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… our new rat-controlling telepathic masters

by on Aug.07, 2013, under Animals, Evil Geniuses, Rats


So it looks like scientists have created a way to control rats just by thinking.. The process is non-invasive, and could theoretically be covered up by a hat.
There’s two ways I can see this going. One is where someone of lower morals gets ahold of this technology and creates an army of vermin. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why it has to stop at rats, why not monkeys, rabbits, or even sharks (though there’s something more comforting about the idea of being conquered by sharks wearing top-hats).
The other possiblity is if someone tries to mind-control a strong willed animal, but is then mentally overpowered and the animal ends up controlling the human.
Either way this ends badly for humanity.

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… our new trained assassin dolphin masters

by on Mar.12, 2013, under Animals, Dolphins

In what can only be one step away from an ocean filled with sharks with frickin’ lasers, it seems that the Russians have let TRAINED KILLER DOLPHINS LOOSE IN THE BLACK SEA!!! The military trained them as assassins and now they’ve gone rogue. Let’s not forget that dolphins are very social animals and quick studies, so it’s only a matter of time before the oceans of the world are over-run by ninja dolphins bent on revenge for all the BS we’ve put them through.

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… our new telepathic rodent overlords

by on Feb.28, 2013, under Animals, Rats

 

 

 

 

So there’s a lab in Brazil that sticks a chip in a rats brain, teaches the rat a trick, and then ‘records’ the impulses when he does it.  This data is then transmitted to California, where it is ‘played’ in similarly wired rat’s brain.  This second rat can now do the trick without being taught directly.

In doing this, scientists have not only created rats that can effectively communicate telepathically, they’re also creating a rodent hive mind that isn’t limited by geography!  Seems harmless, but wait until the collective thought power of these telepathic rats becomes capable of performing the brain surgery itself, and decides it should start wiring up Great Apes or Sharks?!  You just wait, you’ll see….

Brain-to-brain interfaces have arrived, and they are absolutely mindblowing.

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… our new robo-sparrow overlords

by on Feb.27, 2013, under Animals, Birds

 

 

So some biologists got together and thought “hey, why don’t we try to create humanity’s doom through robotic animals?”  Apparently there were no objections, so they proceeded.  I’m betting at one point someone said “but what will we tell people when they hear about our obviously dangerous plan?” to which the reply was no doubt “we’ll tell them it’s for science!”

But did they consider what will happen when the fun and games are over and they start animating things like bears and lions?!!?!??!

BBC News – Robosparrow created from dead bird.

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… our new grizzly/polar hybrid masters

by on Nov.20, 2012, under Animals, Bears

I seem to be late to the party on this one, but on of the side effects of global warming is that Grizzly bears are moving North.  This doesn’t seem too bad at all, until you realize that when they’re up there, they’re GETTING IT ON WITH POLAR BEARS!!!

In the past, the only thing that’s been keeping us humans safe from the godless death machines known as Polar Bears has been the climate.  Now that they’re mixing it up with the fair-weather-loving Grizzlies we can all look forward to a future where we cower indoors with feral ‘Pizzlies’  roaming the streets looking for stray Salmon or Seals.

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… our new avatar overlords

by on Nov.14, 2012, under Evil Geniuses, Robots

Avatars aren’t just weirdly sexualized blue aliens or playfully distasteful animated GIFs any more.  Mad scientists are currently making inroads in creating mind controlled robotic shells.  Now the dreams of bullied nerds everywhere are almost coming true.

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… our new sentient robot overlords

by on Aug.03, 2012, under Robots

As many know, this monday we (as a race) will be dropping a very advanced robot on to the surface of Mars.  Thing is, it’s 14 minuts away by radio which means that although the general orders will be coming from earth, most of the controls will be in the hands of the robot itself.  Sounds innocuous, but here’s why it’s not.  Why Our Current Missions to Space Could Create Sentient Robots….

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our new plague carrying hipster masters

by on Jun.17, 2012, under Hipsters

Remember that thing back in the middle ages?  You know, the one that killed nearly every human in Europe?  Well, it’s back, in Portland specifically.  Now I can’t confirm that the Portland hipsters have anything to do with this, but I think we can safely assume that they’re the only ones that could be behind this.

Start developing a taste for the swill known as PBR, just to be safe.

 

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… our new flying scorpion masters

by on May.31, 2012, under Insects, Scorpions

If you’ve read this blog much, or know me personally, you know that I’m pretty certain that Ants will soon become the dominant species on the planet.  They’re strong, smart, work together well, and some of them can even fly.

Well, after reading this I might have to change my tune as it appears that Scorpions can fly as well.  That’s right, we’re just one large burst of gamma-radiation away from bowing to giant flying scorpions.

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