I For One Welcome…

… our new all seeing mice masters

by on Mar.02, 2019, under Animals, Uncategorized

mouse in infraredSo after years of torturing them with cosmetic and medicine testing, taunting them with mazes, and devoting a not-insubstantial time to developing better traps to catch them, some short sighted scientists are now giving mice super-vision?

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2019/02/28/mice-infrared-vision-nanoparticles/

 

 

 
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… our new public transit taking crow masters

by on May.10, 2018, under Animals, Uncategorized

While it’s impressive that a crow is even attempting to operate a ticket machine, the terrifying part is that he figured out that he needs a credit card so he just takes one!

Today our public transit ticket machines, tomorrow our ATMs!!!!

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… our new pole dancing masters

by on Jan.16, 2018, under Robots, Uncategorized

There are two things wrong with this short video. First it’s the sexualization of a robot, second it’s the realization that ‘Futurama’ was the most accurate predictor of the future.

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… our new flamethrower drone masters

by on Feb.24, 2017, under Robots, Uncategorized

6H7a4Mp - ImgurThere’s two scenarios when it comes to drones.  1)  Computers become self aware and they use drones to spy on and then police humanity.  Or 2)  the drones themselves become sentient and rise up against us on their own.

Either way, I think everyone can agree that giving them flamethrowers is a very bad idea. Somebody please tell the Chinese electric company that.

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… our new 3d printed machine masters

by on May.28, 2015, under Robots

3d_printerIf you’re not familiar with the ‘Grey Goo’ scenario for armageddon, do yourself a favour and don’t google it, instead take the time to visit your family and let them know how much you love them and prepare for the end.

Here’s a vid from Sploid that shows a 3d printer printing parts to make a 3d printer.  It doesn’t take much to see where this leads…..  One stray line of code, a glitch in the machine, or minor intervention is all it’ll take to help the machines that all they have to do is start printing weapons and they’ll rule the world. What will they need us for?

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… our new rat-controlling telepathic masters

by on Aug.07, 2013, under Animals, Evil Geniuses, Rats


So it looks like scientists have created a way to control rats just by thinking.. The process is non-invasive, and could theoretically be covered up by a hat.
There’s two ways I can see this going. One is where someone of lower morals gets ahold of this technology and creates an army of vermin. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why it has to stop at rats, why not monkeys, rabbits, or even sharks (though there’s something more comforting about the idea of being conquered by sharks wearing top-hats).
The other possiblity is if someone tries to mind-control a strong willed animal, but is then mentally overpowered and the animal ends up controlling the human.
Either way this ends badly for humanity.

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… our new trained assassin dolphin masters

by on Mar.12, 2013, under Animals, Dolphins

In what can only be one step away from an ocean filled with sharks with frickin’ lasers, it seems that the Russians have let TRAINED KILLER DOLPHINS LOOSE IN THE BLACK SEA!!! The military trained them as assassins and now they’ve gone rogue. Let’s not forget that dolphins are very social animals and quick studies, so it’s only a matter of time before the oceans of the world are over-run by ninja dolphins bent on revenge for all the BS we’ve put them through.

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… our new telepathic rodent overlords

by on Feb.28, 2013, under Animals, Rats

 

 

 

 

So there’s a lab in Brazil that sticks a chip in a rats brain, teaches the rat a trick, and then ‘records’ the impulses when he does it.  This data is then transmitted to California, where it is ‘played’ in similarly wired rat’s brain.  This second rat can now do the trick without being taught directly.

In doing this, scientists have not only created rats that can effectively communicate telepathically, they’re also creating a rodent hive mind that isn’t limited by geography!  Seems harmless, but wait until the collective thought power of these telepathic rats becomes capable of performing the brain surgery itself, and decides it should start wiring up Great Apes or Sharks?!  You just wait, you’ll see….

Brain-to-brain interfaces have arrived, and they are absolutely mindblowing.

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… our new robo-sparrow overlords

by on Feb.27, 2013, under Animals, Birds

 

 

So some biologists got together and thought “hey, why don’t we try to create humanity’s doom through robotic animals?”  Apparently there were no objections, so they proceeded.  I’m betting at one point someone said “but what will we tell people when they hear about our obviously dangerous plan?” to which the reply was no doubt “we’ll tell them it’s for science!”

But did they consider what will happen when the fun and games are over and they start animating things like bears and lions?!!?!??!

BBC News – Robosparrow created from dead bird.

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… our new grizzly/polar hybrid masters

by on Nov.20, 2012, under Animals, Bears

I seem to be late to the party on this one, but on of the side effects of global warming is that Grizzly bears are moving North.  This doesn’t seem too bad at all, until you realize that when they’re up there, they’re GETTING IT ON WITH POLAR BEARS!!!

In the past, the only thing that’s been keeping us humans safe from the godless death machines known as Polar Bears has been the climate.  Now that they’re mixing it up with the fair-weather-loving Grizzlies we can all look forward to a future where we cower indoors with feral ‘Pizzlies’  roaming the streets looking for stray Salmon or Seals.

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