I For One Welcome…


… our new all seeing mice masters

by on Mar.02, 2019, under Animals, Uncategorized

mouse in infraredSo after years of torturing them with cosmetic and medicine testing, taunting them with mazes, and devoting a not-insubstantial time to developing better traps to catch them, some short sighted scientists are now giving mice super-vision?




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… our new public transit taking crow masters

by on May.10, 2018, under Animals, Uncategorized

While it’s impressive that a crow is even attempting to operate a ticket machine, the terrifying part is that he figured out that he needs a credit card so he just takes one!

Today our public transit ticket machines, tomorrow our ATMs!!!!

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… our new rat-controlling telepathic masters

by on Aug.07, 2013, under Animals, Evil Geniuses, Rats

So it looks like scientists have created a way to control rats just by thinking.. The process is non-invasive, and could theoretically be covered up by a hat.
There’s two ways I can see this going. One is where someone of lower morals gets ahold of this technology and creates an army of vermin. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any reason why it has to stop at rats, why not monkeys, rabbits, or even sharks (though there’s something more comforting about the idea of being conquered by sharks wearing top-hats).
The other possiblity is if someone tries to mind-control a strong willed animal, but is then mentally overpowered and the animal ends up controlling the human.
Either way this ends badly for humanity.

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… our new trained assassin dolphin masters

by on Mar.12, 2013, under Animals, Dolphins

In what can only be one step away from an ocean filled with sharks with frickin’ lasers, it seems that the Russians have let TRAINED KILLER DOLPHINS LOOSE IN THE BLACK SEA!!! The military trained them as assassins and now they’ve gone rogue. Let’s not forget that dolphins are very social animals and quick studies, so it’s only a matter of time before the oceans of the world are over-run by ninja dolphins bent on revenge for all the BS we’ve put them through.

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… our new telepathic rodent overlords

by on Feb.28, 2013, under Animals, Rats





So there’s a lab in Brazil that sticks a chip in a rats brain, teaches the rat a trick, and then ‘records’ the impulses when he does it.  This data is then transmitted to California, where it is ‘played’ in similarly wired rat’s brain.  This second rat can now do the trick without being taught directly.

In doing this, scientists have not only created rats that can effectively communicate telepathically, they’re also creating a rodent hive mind that isn’t limited by geography!  Seems harmless, but wait until the collective thought power of these telepathic rats becomes capable of performing the brain surgery itself, and decides it should start wiring up Great Apes or Sharks?!  You just wait, you’ll see….

Brain-to-brain interfaces have arrived, and they are absolutely mindblowing.

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… our new robo-sparrow overlords

by on Feb.27, 2013, under Animals, Birds



So some biologists got together and thought “hey, why don’t we try to create humanity’s doom through robotic animals?”  Apparently there were no objections, so they proceeded.  I’m betting at one point someone said “but what will we tell people when they hear about our obviously dangerous plan?” to which the reply was no doubt “we’ll tell them it’s for science!”

But did they consider what will happen when the fun and games are over and they start animating things like bears and lions?!!?!??!

BBC News – Robosparrow created from dead bird.

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… our new grizzly/polar hybrid masters

by on Nov.20, 2012, under Animals, Bears

I seem to be late to the party on this one, but on of the side effects of global warming is that Grizzly bears are moving North.  This doesn’t seem too bad at all, until you realize that when they’re up there, they’re GETTING IT ON WITH POLAR BEARS!!!

In the past, the only thing that’s been keeping us humans safe from the godless death machines known as Polar Bears has been the climate.  Now that they’re mixing it up with the fair-weather-loving Grizzlies we can all look forward to a future where we cower indoors with feral ‘Pizzlies’  roaming the streets looking for stray Salmon or Seals.

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…our new invisible shark overlords

by on Mar.23, 2012, under Sharks

There are fewer things that strike more fear in the hearts of humans than sharks.  They’re big, ferocious, powerful killing machines with huge teeth and insatiable thirst for human blood (if Speilberg is to be believed).  Now we can add ‘stealthy’ to that list.  Turns out that some sharks can change the colour of their bellies, matching it to the colour of the sunlight coming from the surface.  This makes them effectively invisible when viewed from below.

Yep, Invisible Sharks.  There’s nothing more than needs saying.  We’re all doomed.

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…our new un-named overlords (who are talking to the Chinese)

by on Nov.16, 2011, under Aliens, Birds, Old Ones

I don’t really know how to categorize this one. Seems the Chinese government is up to something. Something big. Google has revealed all sorts of weird stuff in China that no human would think is a good idea. We’re talking MASSIVE designs etched into mountainsides or the desert with no discernable use.

Naturally, I mean no discernable human use. Looking at this logically, they’re either (continue reading…)

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… our new cyborg monkey masters

by on Oct.06, 2011, under Monkeys

Some of the things that are posted here stem from unintended consequences, things that could go wrong. And then there’s things that COULDN’T seem like a good idea no matter what the original purpose is. Case in point, scientists are developing a seamless organic/machine interface, you know, like in the 6 Million Dollar Man. However, instead of upgrading a sexy test-pilot like Steve Austin they’ve seen fit to give this powerful technology to monkeys.

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